I dont know who I am anymore when I am alone in the middle of the night and my thoughts and feelings are anything but good. I turn into this monster I never thought I would become. At the end of the night, all I can feel is the burning of my arm. At the end of the night, all I can see are the darkness under my eyes and swollen bulge only cold can fix. At the end of the night, I hear only the sniffles from my nose and taste only the cold air that enters through my mouth. Sometimes it makes it easier for me to sleep, and other times, the monster just gets worse even when I just close my eyes. I don’t remember much of it the next day. I guess I have a natural defense mechanism to push away the bad things. But those bad things don’t stray far, they get triggered by the most minuscule of things, during the most unwelcome times. I am fragile this way.