I wish I was a lot of things

I’m sitting here alone, staring blankly at the bright screen of my laptop. I happen to just scroll through posts on tumblr. I’m feeling nothing. I recap how my day went and I just feel like I want to cry again. Fuck my life, why am I being so emotional? I’m not as strong as I thought I was, or at least not as strong as I used to be. Right now it feels like being without you, is literally tearing me apart. I’m not sure how to live without you anymore, but I want to know if it’s still possible. Even my own walls that I built are protecting me against myself. I shouldn’t be over thinking anymore. I shouldn’t be ruining things with my bad vibes. Every time I look at my arm, I am reminded of the pain, the sadness, the fights within myself. I feel ashamed. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. I don’t want to feel hurt and pain anymore. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL.

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