Fucking hell, I just realize how frustrated I am with today. I feel like I’m on my fucking period and I just feel so mad at everyone and everything. This is me ranting for the sake of ranting because I don’t want anyone to hear what I have to rant about because it’s so stupid and I feel like an idiot and I just really need to vent and when I was thinking about all this, I remembered a technique I read from somewhere about how to let go of anger or whatever. Seriously, I have a fucking problem with letting go. Sometimes I just feel like I’m punishing myself because I’m well aware that I should let go of all the bad thoughts and feelings but I just like to feel horrible about myself. God I don’t like myself right now.
What went wrong today:
- I fucking procratinated getting up when my alarm rang so I missed my first period today. For sleep. Not much regret there.
- When I got to school, just in time for second period, my friend goes out of the classroom just to tell me we don’t have class. What the hell. Definitely not the first time that has happened. But I was hungry, and I was rushing myself and just the thought of a 6 hour break was ughhh
- I mentioned a guy she doesn’t like, things felt weird when she left. I hate hate hate when that happens like can you not leave unless youre okay or we part with good vibes?
- On the way home, we passed by for some food. I couldn’t make up my fucking mind so I settled for starbucks and bought a couple of junk food. Not much problem there except that I should be saving my money and budgeting it!
- I took my first sip of my hot drink and burnt my tongue.
- My face got really itchy again. Probably because I was holding on to my dog for a long time.
- My friend went to SM when she said she was going to Ayala to meet her boyfriend. Why does she keep doing this?? Always complains about being the one who puts effort in the relationship yet she goes on and keeps letting him do this to her. Not to mention she wasn’t planning on going to class. What the fuck. I think I’ve had enough of them. I knew there was a reason why I wasn’t very fond of him in the first place.
- Got to school before our class time, only to find out our teacher couldn’t meet us. So we had to wait for an hour and a half for our 4:30 class.
- Our last period, we had a substitute teacher because our actual teacher was feeling like a lazy fucktard so we got dismissed after 30 minutes.
- Expected to see her again, maybe a few kisses here and there, and thought we could have dinner together because she said so. Yeah, didn’t happen.
- Waited for almost an hour, for my driver, in the dark, right after the rain, and with mosquitoes everywhere.
- Realizing what a brat and idiot I am for expecting and shit so I started getting mad at myself. This is pathetic.
- I fell asleep for a while before dinner. I got woken up by my maid. She kept shaking my arm. Fucking annoying. Not to mention, she was acting like a fucking child and being loud (as usual) fucking annoying
- Having to do homework when I can just sleep already.
- The idea of studying for a test that I don’t even understand because I wasn’t there during the discussion.
- Fucking retarded internet connection just when I need it the most.
- Having to let go of the bad vibes and act like everything is fine, because really I don’t like to acknowledge these thoughts out loud to people.
- The thought that I might not even make it to first period again tomorrow. Fuck me.
- I was having such a good day yesterday. This is nature’s way of balancing out my life. Which reminds me of my theory that every time something good happens to me, something bad happens the next day or soon. I cant stay happy for some time, now cant I?
- Creating a bad vibe. I absolutely hate unintentionally making others feel bad vibes around me. Or at least the ones I care about.
- Lastly, I scratched myself twice. I thought I was through with this. Now I feel like I’m out of control; I can’t control my emotions anymore. The hell is going on with me.
Jeezus. I need to live outside my own head. Okay, I think im feeling better. Slightly better. Maybe I should do this more often. Im going to do my homework now.