Wow. This week sure has been being a bitch.
My emotions have been creating all kinds of trouble for myself and some people. And the world sure knows how to conform to that. Wasn’t able to write the essay I worked hard on for our philo class, running an errand for our group in Fili class which consisted of me spending my own money and running and waiting around in the heat, being considered an absentee in both English and Fili class today, failing my polci prefi and not to mention the countless times I’ve managed to upset a certain person.
All these things put me under emotional stress. All I needed was a little understanding and just time alone to myself, neither comfort or sympathy would have made me feel any better. Ugh. Did I mention I actually cried in the girls freakin’ bathroom??? I just let all my frustrations out next to a toilet. Brilliant.
I don’t understand how he was so upset with me. But I don’t blame him since I have the tendency to presume he knows me well enough to know what I want. What do I really want? Well there’s a question with a confound answer.
I could’ve been more clear about my feelings and intentions with said certain person but it came to the point where I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to talk or patch things up. Like if something bad happens, it happens. Sometimes there’s literally nothing you can do about it, so I decided to skip our last period and go home. It had been a long and exhausting day. And I sure as hell didn’t need to be on another breakdown right then and there. Though on my way home I just felt like I was running away from my problems instead of face them. How was I supposed to face a battle without any armor on?
Maybe I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of constantly disappointing him and arguing and having to try to be something I can’t be just yet. If I could change something about myself then yes, maybe I’d like to change my fear of commitment too.