Ambivalence.

Sometimes the person you fall in love with may not be the person you are meant to be with. There’s a difference between who we fall in love with, who we are meant to be with and who we settle for.

 

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty conflicted with myself. It’s like one day I know exactly how I feel and the next minute it’s like I just want to end things. We had this conversation about change and he said he would change for me. But what does that really mean to him? I don’t see the point in that, you can’t exactly change who you really are. I look back at all the countless misunderstandings we’ve had (there’s probably at least 1 for every day of the week) and I can’t help but think maybe it’s not because of poor communication but the mere lack of understanding each other’s personality. Like for instance, his annoying over reacting, or his clingy behavior, or his jokes about the same thing, or his jokes that make no sense, or the fact that he can be so easily irritable. 

Perhaps I’m just over thinking. Perhaps I remember too much of those stuff. Then again, he sure hasn’t forgotten the things that I’ve done or caused that have made him upset. I just keep disappointing him, which makes this relationship start to feel like a project to perfect rather than an actual relationship.

As time goes by, things just keep getting clearer, true colors start to show, and black and white don’t seem to compliment each other anymore.

Oh God, I hope this is just me trying to find something wrong to use as an excuse to not get into an actual commitment. 

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