three days

I spent good quality time with him for three consecutive days and now my days seem missing without him by my side. (ew cant believe how gross I sound now haha yuck mushy…but true)

Day 1. Thursday

It was definitely a good idea to go to another mall for a change of scenery. We got to hang with our 3 close friends and each other plus shop! And watch a movie! Need I mention Rise of the Guardians was a cool movie! And not just saying that because we made out. Lol. Can’t believe I’m typing all this down. We made out. *shivers all over* in a movie theatre. Wow. Aside from those interesting remembrances, he offered me handcuffs as my Christmas present aaaaand used the same handcuffs on my hand and in my car! Tsk tsk. So 50 😉

 

Day 2. Friday

So we planned to go jogging. And we did! In both his and my pace. Sadly, jogging really isn’t my thing. Nevertheless, we finished a good 3 rounds. I guess. Sort of. Something like that. We chilled out in Coffee dream, got a banana cake slice (which was without a doubt, delicious and moist! lol twss) and a cold drink. We chilled there for over an hour and got to talk about real stuff. Like my past, and his past but more on mine… He does’t care about my past, apparently. He accepts me for who I was (i think) and who I am now. He told me his brotherly instincts feel the need to protect me, take care of me and love me even if might not want the same thing. He’s so sweet, nothing compared to that moment of sincerity in his eyes and loving words from his mouth. I wish I could have said something as equally romantic as everything he said that night. Unfortunately, in this relationship, and past ones, I’m the one who loves less. Maybe not for long. I think my walls are slowly falling apart brick by brick now. Maybe it’s about time to allow myself to feel, to fall and to surrender.

 

Day 3. Saturday

Spent a good 5-6 hours with him tonight. We were supposed to meet at 4 but I was caught up with another appointment and well, I caught up with him around 6 already. No biggie though. We shopped for his new shoes and found the perfect pair instantly! Hah. He’s done more shopping for himself this month than I have! It’s so nice to see him so happy. So anyways, after about an hour, we went to IT park and had dinner there. Nothing interesting was happening so we walked around then hanged out in coffee dream again. That was definitely interesting. We got caught making out and ran for our life after! Hahaha. That was really fun and interesting. Now we’ve got more inside jokes. Heh.

 

Next year will be good. I can feel it. 🙂

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It happened

It fucking happened. And by it yes, I do mean a kiss. Not just one kiss, probably around 4 kisses until I actually got my lips to respond to the soft and warm touch of his. He tried to stick his tongue in my mouth, or so he thought during the 6th kiss. And yes, I counted. As to why I counted, I have no clue myself. 

So how this happened?

We had a lovely late lunch together which costed us a long walk under the heat of the sun because the place we originally planned to eat was closed when we got there. He believes I jinxed it. Lol. So we went back to the mall and found ourselves in the famous Casa Verde, we got the ribs he wanted and shared it. After that we went shopping for gifts I was to get the boys, afterwhich he bought 2 new pairs of pants! I thought it was so cute. You know, the whole shopping together scene, I don’t recall seeing that in the movies. Hah. After a tiring afternoon, we met up with a friend and chilled out by the ticket booth. I was dying to watch a movie because well, 1st of all I didn’t want to go home just yet, 2nd of all I didn’t want to end the day like that and 3rd of all I just missed being in a cinema. I managed to convince him, even if he wanted to go home already and poof! We bolted for the cinema right after buying the tickets. 

The Hobbit was 3 hours long and it lost my complete attention the moment he laid his lips on mine and told me he loved me. He kept saying other sweet things but I can’t recall because in that moment I just froze in silence. I don’t know when I actually cried, but I did because I couldn’t believe he had kissed me more than once and ever so casually!

Not that I was expecting a foot-popping. heart-racing, ever so romantic first kiss with him but I really really really did not expect him to kiss me so casually and just to kiss me then and there!!! (Lol not to mention the people to our left and right were on dates too) 

After the movie, we had steam rice to fill our stomachs and I finally managed to bring up the kiss, in a not so serious manner. I tried to explain to him what I meant when I said “I can’t believe you kissed me” but the words didn’t seem to compliment what I was really thinking. With him, it seems like I never know the right things to do or say yet it doesn’t feel wrong or stupid of me at all. I’m just scared. Unprepared. Skeptical. 

So you say

The next thing I know we’re down at the cinema
We’re sitting there, you said you loved me 
What’s that about

You’re moving too fast, I don’t understand you
I’m not ready yet, baby I can’t pretend
No I can’t
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It’s possible, eventual
Love will find a wayDon’t say you love me
You don’t even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don’t go there baby
Not before I’m ready
Don’t say your heart’s in a hurry
It’s not like we’re gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

Here’s how I play, here’s where you stand
Here’s what to prove to get any further than where it’s been
I’ll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow

 

So today you made it very clear. I asked you to say the magic words if you wanted your ID back and you said “I love you” I can’t believe you said that. Once again I could go on and on about how I don’t understand, how you deserve better, how scared I am and etc… But by now you should already know that.

Today you kissed me on my cheek, under the rain, beneath your hanky while we ran towards a building. 

Today we made a deal if you passed 5Million on tilt to live, I would buy you the ribs you oh so crave for.

Today we planned to watch a movie tomorrow if possible.

Today a lot of “double-meaning” jokes were cracked.

Today, there were so many instances I wanted to kiss back and just kiss you.

Today, you made me feel as alive as ever.

Distance

Call it anything but love. 
And I will make sure to keep my distance. 
Say I love you when you’re not listening. 
And how long can we keep this up

How long ’till we call this love

12/12/12. Once again, you surprised me with the 12 pieces of Kitkat outside our classroom then with the 12 paper penguin and 12 sticky pads on my seat. That really did make me smile. I can’t believe you thought of that and planned that whole thing. You are truly amazing. But my words alone cannot describe how I felt and how I feel about your surprise, and you. I don’t know if I heard wrong or right, and I probably heard right and chose to ignore you and change the topic when you said those three words like three times today. Those are big words to drop on me. How can you feel so much for me? I guess I’ll never understand that. But know that I didn’t ignore you because I don’t care because there’s nothing more scary than knowing you feel that way  and you’re giving me the power to take hold of your heart, there’s nothing more brave than telling me how you feel and taking a risk with this though you know how I feel about these kinds of things, there’s no one more sweet and sincere than you are and I’m afraid I’m not good enough at all to be with someone like you, or to be in love with someone like you. Not that I am…Or am I? Even I can’t tell what love feels like. Maybe I’m feeling it but I refuse to give that flower a chance to grow because of all the thorns it has. Just know that you definitely make me smile, you make me feel safe, you make me feel happy and you make me feel like I am this simple yet amazing girl though I am not.

 

They say that distancing is done for two reasons: Either you hate that person or you’re just too scared to fall in love completely with that person. You’re a chance I’m willing to take but it’s going to take me some time to let my walls down and let you in.

opposing to your decision

I miss you already; although you haven’t left, although you have no plans to. You told me yesterday you won’t be leaving for another city and another school because you met me. But I’ve been in this situation before, and I’m going to tell you the same thing I told that guy.

Don’t stay because of me. I’m not a good reason not to get into a better education nor am I a good enough reason to ditch all the experiences and different kinds of people and opportunities that could happen for you.

I could go on and on about how much better it is for you to leave this place and go but I’m sure you would rather hear that from your parents than from me. But hey, I’ll be fine, if that’s what your worried about. I’ll miss you every now and then but I’ll survive. You will too. Lol I hate how this whole thing sounds so cheesy and realistic and urghh can my life just be a movie already?

Maybe I’m being selfish too. Okay, I’m being partly selfish. I don’t want to fall in love with you knowing you’ll be a thousand miles away from me. I don’t think I can handle the distance (lol how ironic of me right) and here I thought you’d be the one to make me believe in all this cheesy shit. Maybe this cheesy shit ain’t for me.

Just go. I want you to go.

one afternoon

I want you here, now. Just laying down my bed, watching movies on my laptop and killing time together; surrounded by the warmth of my blanket, the cold air breezing through the air-conditioner and the ray of sunlight peeking through my window. I want you laying beside me, fingers-intertwined and hand on my waist. I want you looking at me the way you usually do for no reason, just idly looking at me and sharing the same feeling. A feeling of bliss, happiness, calmness, gratefulness and being contented with just sharing a moment together. No one but us in the room, not having to worry about what others might think of us or having to listen to anyone else or see anyone else. Just you and me, in a bubble of our own.

It’s not 11:11, but I do wish for that one day. For the mean time I’m stuck with my imagination and you controlling my thoughts and feelings at the moment.

Free and surprise

What can I say about today?

It was something new, it wasn’t awkward and it was pretty cute and sweet.

We ate together after class in Sbarro, and we got to talk about deep stuff (which was pretty much the moment I’ve been waiting for) we went around the mall and looked around for gifts for the boys. Walked hand-in-hand in some times, and even around his arms. hihi i feel so cheesy na naman. I was relatively conscious though of where his hand would be, I know my family has a lot of friends/spies who might tell them something that was non of their business.

After around 3 hours we walked to the church near my old school and had 1st friday mass. I swear in that moment, I imagined being married to him or a guy like him; religious, not so tall, not the prince charming or handsome and brooding type, not muscular, basically not a lot of things I pictured myself liking or going on a date with (not that that was a date because well, nobody said it was, right…) but maybe he’s the guy God pictures for me, whether I approve of it or not.

After mass we ate in another fast food chain and it wasn’t like we were being PDA or anything he was just playing a game on my phone while I ate. A few touches here and there, but that’s it. Then I noticed a High School teacher of mine was sitting right across us. Wow that was a shocker. Took me like 10 minutes to get over the look she was giving me! It’s amazing how it’s always her who catches me with a guy… Hmm. There’s something about her. Could it be a sign of some sort?

Omg speaking of signs!!! On the way to the mall, I was resting my chin on his shoulder with the wind blowing through our hair. He kept murmuring something about how he hoped it would rain because he asked for a sign so something “special” could happen by the end of the day. Ideas popped into my head immediately but I asked him what he asked for. He sort of confirmed the idea in my head when he said, “I’m sure you already know what I mean” with a smug look on his face!!! Did he hope it would rain so he could kiss me under the rain????? smzfnaiwflamfafmpaf gross!! Cheesy shit right there. The whole “kiss under the rain” scene is way overrated. But then there’s the kiss scene.. Thank God it didn’t rain! I wouldn’t know what to do if that had happened. I mean I’ve thought about a kiss but maybe I’m not ready and God knows it. Or he’s got better plans, yes.

Another thing happened while I was eating… He noticed his ex-of some sort/ prom date was sitting 30 degress to our left side. hahaha! I don’t know why I was amused (probably because I don’t find her a threat because she’s not pretty lol) but I kept telling him to talk to her and he just wouldn’t because apparently they’re not in good terms.

So before the clock struck 7, we were outside and in front of the church about to part ways and he gave me a free and a surprise which is our linggo for a hug and a kiss…on the forehead and on the cheek. 🙂