Out in the open

Wow. Some week this is turning out to be!

The other night, we were chatting and we came to the topic of relationships. And he asked me if I was ready for one. That really freaked me out! Then we agreed we’d talk about it tomorrow. I thought ahead, poured down all my thoughts and feelings into 5 pages. And true to my promise to myself, I gave him the letter yesterday. I wish I saved a copy for myself; because I have the tendency to forget all about things I write about. But before I handed him the letter, I made sure he asked me the question he asked me through chat. But he changed his words! This time he said, “Can I court you?” I was in deep shock and that was when I let my written words speak from me.

Today, he told me how he feels. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting anything, well, I wasn’t expecting much. But he came through, he was honest and sincere and I was very surprised when he said “I’m in love with you” now that I’m writing this all down. Maybe I heard wrong? But I couldn’t have because of how I reacted. I was sort of freaking out in front of him. “How could this guy be in love with me???,” I thought to myself. I mean we barely know each other! I mean what basis does he have to say that?? I couldn’t believe it. And my reaction and all the things I was saying that moment was confusing him and the last thing I wanted to do was confuse him! I got what I wanted: the truth. I should be happy, right?? Instead I’m freaking out. It shouldn’t be a big deal. No change will happen between us.

 

What is wrong with me??? I feel like I don’t trust myself when it comes to these things. I’m really bad at this!! I wish I could be as real, as honest, as sweet, and as sincere in real life as I was in those letters I gave him. But for some reason, that never happens. I’m probably just over-thinking all this, right? 

 

We’re pretty cute together though. hihiImage 

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