Inner goddess

Nov 16
I am so exhausted but I have to type this all down or else every time I close my eyes and try to sleep, parts of to tonight will keep replaying in my head.

Not everything about tonight was all that fun but I guess what made my night was really the dancing, stressing out and chilling with my friends (both old, new and current)

My night started out pretty normal and boring! Just our group standing at the side of the crowd who were going crazy over the bands that were playing. Then I’d go along with our photographer who had to do his job instead of get distracted by me. He finally decided he was done so we pretty much chilled and then the wildness of everybody came out. And by that I mean all the pushing, stepping on feet, dancing, sweating and just wild things came out!!! At first it was pretty okay then we lost the boys then we moved towards the middle and it was intense! And then we found him and I stayed where he was (trying not to mind the others guys towards my left) dancing to all the mixes of the DJ with him behind me. Shit that was really intense. Probably like an out of body experience. I wish I drank something though, so at least I’d feel like I had something to blame for not feeling or acting like myself. Now I can’t believe I let those things happen. I let my fucking guard down just to dance!!! And by that I mean, the dancing with his hands and mine intertwined, his head leaning towards me, his whispers right in top of my ear, his hands making their way down my shoulder and to my hips. All as we danced! Did not fucking expect that. It was so intimate.

When the dancing was stopped (by force) there was a fireworks display. It was beautiful and magical! Fml talaga. It was exactly like in movies!!! My 2 friends were with me and he was behind me. We watched the stars twinkle brightly against the rain clouds then gazed upon the brightness of fire dancing in the sky while I was leaning my head on this shoulder, he was leaning forward with his hands wrapped around me as they intertwined. Shit I can’t believe that happened. That I actually shared a moment like that with someone!!! With him!!!!! It felt like New Years! And all that was missing was a New Years kiss. Shiiiiiiiit. Ewwwwwww. Fuck me.

It was all so romantic until we had to go outside an wait for the other guys so we could leave and chill some place else but someone took forever so the irks and I decided to eat in mcdo and he tagged along. He shouldn’t have cus he was sleepy and his sisters were alone at home but he did. And it was nice. Just chilling there late at night, secretly (or at least it felt like it was a secret us it was under the table) holding hands and playing with eachothers fingers with my friends as they ate. Then they went home ahead and he waited with me until my driver arrived. As he pulled out the corner, we stood, he gave me a hug and that was see you later.

I don’t know how I will feel when I wake up but now I know as my day ends, before I sleep, ill feel happy and good and just at peace knowing someone out there actually really cares… And also knowing my normal side of the brain isn’t trying to argue with all this cheesy shit going on. 

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