A few days ago, I was trying to explain to my friend what was going on between me and some guy. If there’s actually something going on and not just my mind conjuring some sort of delusion. So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve come up with my own attachment theory which is divided into 3 parts:
1. Time for me
-I am a complete sucker for anyone who makes time for me. I think it’s very important. To know that no matter how busy a person is, they can still make time just to talk to you or hear from you. It makes me feel special, that I’m not a bother, that I’m worth your time and that you want to talk to me. This is the stage wherein we practically text everyday or chat once a day, hang out together, talk on the phone or even skype. This is the stage wherein I will decide to put some trust in you.
2. Hear me out and don’t forget
– When you make time for me, the more we keep talking, the more I’ll get used to it; it will become part of my daily routine, it will become me. This is the stage wherein I’d really appreciate it if you remember certain things I say. I’m going to find any means possible to talk to you or be near you. This is the stage wherein I will figure out if you’re being real with me and if I can hand you my trust.
Note that 1 and 2 may be interchanged.
3. I crave your touch
– I most definitely don’t mean this in a perverted, lusty way. This is just the stage wherein I feel like I know you more. And when you start holding my hand, or wanting to hug me or anything physical, I can’t contain myself. I just want you by my side almost all the time. It is in this stage that I feel secure enough and more trusting with you. Some expectations will sort of make its way through my head. This stage is confusing; I don’t want to be in a relationship with you but I like holding your hand and whatnot. And if you suddenly stop doing these things I’ll feel like you want nothing to do with me.
This is the stage wherein I start voicing out my opinions on topics much deeper than “how was your day” or “what did you eat?” or “i like what youre wearing” The stage when I would like to have much more things to talk about. Topics included here are friends, family matters, my deep-rooted insecurities and trust issues. Even love. If you stop talking to me all of a sudden in this stage, I will die inside and feel the need to hate you for making me confide in you and making me open up to you.
Currently, I guess I’m in #3 trying to get to #4. But I won’t allow myself to do so. Especially because I don’t know what’s going on with us. And I’m afraid to DTR (define the relationship) because I dont even want one in the first place but I’m willing to attach myself to this guy. SOMEONE SHOOT ME. OR REPLACE MY BRAIN.