Touchy-feely

What is going on with this guy?? 

What is going on with us??

Is it even correct to assume there is an us??

 

He’s sort of driving me crazy!!!! The way we talk, the way we stare at each other, the way he just grabs my hand with his oh so soft hand and holds it, the way he just whispers into my ear (not even trying to be seductive or any shit like that) during the most random times, the way he smells, the way he just grabs me and holds me!! What on earth!!!

And yet, we don’t talk about much. We rarely talk about anything serious or anything that actually has something to do with getting to know each other. Its all fun and games; jokes and laughter, teasing and mysterious stares.

I want him by my side. I want him holding my hand. I want him to keep me on my good vibes (this has been going on for around 2 weeks) I want to know his every thought. I want to get to know him better as a person and mainly as a friend. I want him to feel this way; to know how crazy a touch can feel like. I want him to stay in my life. What drives me really insane is the fact that whenever I really think of it, I don’t even know if I actually like him. I barely know him! And yet he does these things to me! Am I the only one who thinks what he’s doing means something?? 

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Self Vs Self

I somehow always manage to find something wrong about a person I’m falling for or at least am attracted to or into. I won’t admit I like you because I don’t want to sound like the fool in the end. Although a part of me longs for the sweet hugs that feel so secure and heavenly, sweet whispers in the ear that will send tingles down my spine and all the other “romantic” things that come along with a relationship, the other part of me opposes to it all. Feelings are a waste of time, they’re scary; they cause mixed emotions, arguments and they change. Whether I’m looking for it or not, the part of me that still believes someone out there can make me believe in those feelings called “love” will still prevail, continuously fighting against my other half.

Un(perfectly) Lonely

Lately I’ve been in a good mood.

I don’t exactly know what put me into this good mood. I have an idea. But a part of my mind won’t accept the idea that I think I might be into someone. Not just any someone but a classmate of mine. How can this be happening. We barely have anything in common! And I despised him from day 1 until the beginning of August. This week, its just been non stop talking (more like texting and chatting) and goggly eyes and stolen glances.

 

More like a flirtationship, actually.

 

We he stayed up pretty late tonight. Im not sure if I’m the reason for that and I don’t even want to think about it. But 2 hours ago (while we were chatting) he gave me some chinese message and obvs I didn’t understand it so I googled it right?? It translated to, “Do you love me” WHAT THE FUCK. HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND. I went cray for a few minutes. So cray that I ended up in tears. I have absolutely no idea when he’s being serious or joking about these things! And fact is, it’s getting on my nerves. 

So he went to sleep already and I feel lonely as ever. It’s the kind of lonely that makes me want to skip to the next day and be around my friends (and him) the fuck am I saying. Urghh.I hate not having siblings or at least a talking dog. 

Hmph. 

50 Shades of Fucked Up

50 Shades of Grey got me tied up in knots the whole weekend.

75 pages of dying tension and sexual frustration between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele got my heart racing. In these pages, E.L James, speaks for the characters, their feelings and their life. He showcases heart-poundning, butterfly-inducing, feelings and a great deal of mature, erotic, and sensual feels in the last 493 pages.

I guess it’s true when most people say it’s a horny book, then again, it is for a mature audience. But it isn’t what everyone thinks it is; it isn’t all about sex and the relationship between 2 characters of the opposite sex. This book handles family, business, friendship and possibly a psychological issue (which I find most interesting because well of course, I am a psychology major) In my opinion, it was very well written and has even enriched my vocabulary (I’ve learned over 40 new words)

This book actually brings you to a different world from what you know and brings a totally different perspective. I can’t wait to read the next 2 books!