It’s been a while.
Life has been pretty boring. And by boring I mean, compared to last year, no drama is happening.
But lately, I’ve been trying to be honest with E. I feel like he’s trying to push me away or ruin or friendship or do whatever he can to find a reason to move on from me. I can’t believe I actually thought he would be different. lol if I thought that way, I guess maybe a part of me actually almost started to fall for him. Just maybe. But now everything is different, well at least through my perspective. We don’t talk as much, and when we do talk it’s not much. Not to mention, I’ve been hearing nasty stuff about him and how he sort of flirts with so many other girls. When I heard that I actually accidentally slapped my classmate. Sigh. Rumors like that just make me rethink everything about that person or any person. I don’t feel like I can trust him anymore. And with this situation, it made me rethink my perspective on love or feelings in general. I built these walls because I don’t just let anybody in, and when I do, I don’t want to feel like I let those walls down for nothing. Now I’m that girl who can’t get a decent guy to like her. Then again, I don’t want to date a nice guy. I mean, that would be really nice and all but I don’t think I can handle being with a guy for a long time. In the end its all the same, we’d both go through pain. Nice guys are for marrying, and I could never see myself falling for any of my nice guy friends. I wouldn’t want to hurt him. Which is also one of the reasons I don’t want to fall for E. I just can’t. Ever.
Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest
That made you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
Now I’m not so sure
So here’s to everything, coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minuteBut I don’t anymore