Not-date-date

Today was an interesting day.

I got 2 free meals from two of my guy friends! One of them is my block mate and the other one happens to be my ex. 

We broke up around 8 months ago, back in December, for reasons which I can’t even remember anymore. So we finally agreed to catch up and eat lunch together today. We ate in brown cup which is right outside my school and near his house. I was kind of nervous. I haven’t seen him in forever and it was kind of a shock when I saw him standing outside the shop waiting for me. Luckily, I had 2 girl friends with me who were kind enough to bring me there to make sure I wouldn’t ditch him because of my anxiety. So they left, and I was alone with him. To be honest it felt kind of awkward and unnatural for some time because we had some moments of silence. I didn’t know what to talk about with him! That was always the problem, I guess. I realized I sort of did miss him, I just didn’t allow myself to feel that way because of some sort of hatred I’ve developed for him at the back of my head. Maybe it’s because he’s a ladies man, or maybe it’s because I felt like I was just one of his options. Well, it was something like that. Even I can’t remember good and bad memories anymore. What I do miss and remember is the smell of his perfume (AXE to be precise) mixed with his normal smell, I guess? I always loved the way he smelled. I miss that tiny little mole on his face too. He did gain weight but I think it was kind of cute on him, he was somehow muscular. And god everyone knows how much I love them arms. I miss how he hugs, holds and kisses me. I miss how secure I felt with him. I guess in short, I miss being in a relationship, maybe. I miss knowing someone you want, like and care for, feels the same way. And I kind of do miss all that mushy relationship crap. I feel like I’m all “anti-relationship” now. A part of me even considered wanting him back. Didn’t take much to make me re-think that but it’s too late anyways. Just because I miss it, doesn’t mean I want the whole thing back. But at the end, I promised him we’d see each other again, he brought me back to school, and I was like 30 minutes late for class. It was worth it though. 🙂

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