Not-date-date

Today was an interesting day.

I got 2 free meals from two of my guy friends! One of them is my block mate and the other one happens to be my ex. 

We broke up around 8 months ago, back in December, for reasons which I can’t even remember anymore. So we finally agreed to catch up and eat lunch together today. We ate in brown cup which is right outside my school and near his house. I was kind of nervous. I haven’t seen him in forever and it was kind of a shock when I saw him standing outside the shop waiting for me. Luckily, I had 2 girl friends with me who were kind enough to bring me there to make sure I wouldn’t ditch him because of my anxiety. So they left, and I was alone with him. To be honest it felt kind of awkward and unnatural for some time because we had some moments of silence. I didn’t know what to talk about with him! That was always the problem, I guess. I realized I sort of did miss him, I just didn’t allow myself to feel that way because of some sort of hatred I’ve developed for him at the back of my head. Maybe it’s because he’s a ladies man, or maybe it’s because I felt like I was just one of his options. Well, it was something like that. Even I can’t remember good and bad memories anymore. What I do miss and remember is the smell of his perfume (AXE to be precise) mixed with his normal smell, I guess? I always loved the way he smelled. I miss that tiny little mole on his face too. He did gain weight but I think it was kind of cute on him, he was somehow muscular. And god everyone knows how much I love them arms. I miss how he hugs, holds and kisses me. I miss how secure I felt with him. I guess in short, I miss being in a relationship, maybe. I miss knowing someone you want, like and care for, feels the same way. And I kind of do miss all that mushy relationship crap. I feel like I’m all “anti-relationship” now. A part of me even considered wanting him back. Didn’t take much to make me re-think that but it’s too late anyways. Just because I miss it, doesn’t mean I want the whole thing back. But at the end, I promised him we’d see each other again, he brought me back to school, and I was like 30 minutes late for class. It was worth it though. 🙂

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This not-so-secret secret is eating me up

Jealousy is a bitch and yes, it will kill.

So I had such a wonderful time yesterday, right? But I felt bad that E and I weren’t talking the whole week and I did miss him but that time I was hanging out with lots of people and J was there too. Kiligers to the bones! But sadly he likes someone else who also happens to share the same feelings for him. // Well, whatever. I got home almost around midnight and go online to catch up with things then I saw that photo of E and the girl who he used to like, who also happens to be my close friend!! I couldn’t help it. My emotions got to me and yes, I killed them both. (in my head of course) The first and only time I don’t visit him and hang with him near his school and he finds someone else to hang with already. Now that is what replacement is. Currently, I’m still sort of pissed with no idea why and no idea if I should tell him how I really feel. I could be jealous but doesn’t mean I like him! Does it?

A month later

So it’s official! It’s been a month since I have entered the gates of college. And although we’ve had our lessons already, a couple of tests and group activities, I still feel like I make plans with friends (and by friends I do mean the ones out of my class) and hang out with there more than I study. I visit my friends in med school almost every Friday and a lot has happened with that guy who admitted his feelings (not directly to me) and damn. 

But anyways, let me talk about today. Yeah. I only had 1 class which thankfully was in the morning but we ended up with our pre-midterm exam followed by a game to open our new topic. That was pretty fun and worth waking up early. So anyways, we’ve already made friends from other classes and one of those friends invited us over to hang out at her place. And we did. There were 16 of us just hanging out in her living room and bam! 6 bottles of different liquors are brought to us with 6 shot glasses. Honestly, I don’t even know why I went with them. I just thought I’d give an unplanned experience a try and plus, I didn’t want to feel left out and be known as a kill joy but I’m sorry if depressants that act as stimulants (Alcoholic drinks) isn’t my idea of “fun” and “hanging out”

I’m not sure I’m with the right people anymore. I mean they’re fun and all but ugh their thing is not my kind of thing. 3 more months until I leave this country and be stress free.